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Post by Dean.Fowler on Mar 29, 2012 22:27:54 GMT -5
He and Brindale were in danger, For Lucavex was once again King of Rull. Dean was preparing to get the time machine ready when disaster struck. "Well, well well" said Lucavex himself, "What do we have here?" I could tell he was still corrupted. "I am Dean. Fowler and this is Brindale" I said. "We come from the past." "I know that!" snapped Lucavex. "I have been searching for you for a century." "Well, I suppose that you want my time machine." "How did you know?" "I am just smart like that." I said. Then He had enough, he grabbed me and Brindale hostage and later Prisoner of War, for another war was going on at the time. "You cannot change the past, just make it worse." We were escorted to our cells and locked in. "Don't worry, I can get us out of here" I pulled out a file and started wearing away at the bars, soon enough we were free. We ran to the time machine and started it up. and not a moment too soon because he had his army after us and right when he got to the machine I pulled the lever and jumped back in time to the present day. "We made it." I said. Brindale couldn't agree more.
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Post by pajosftw on Mar 29, 2012 23:50:36 GMT -5
I must say, while time travel always provides an interesting premise, these things are giant run-on sentences, and the dialogue leaves much to be desired.
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Post by Dean.Fowler on Mar 30, 2012 13:16:51 GMT -5
is that good or bad?
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Post by Orman Grandclaw on Mar 30, 2012 13:19:35 GMT -5
Decode the English and all secrets shalt be revealed...
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Post by Dean.Fowler on Mar 30, 2012 13:27:42 GMT -5
dude, seriously.
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Post by Orman Grandclaw on Mar 30, 2012 13:32:36 GMT -5
Sorry got carried away. What I think pajos ment was that the idea of time travel is interesting but the dialogue of your story is a bit weak.
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Post by Dean.Fowler on Mar 30, 2012 13:34:52 GMT -5
I agree, but I would suspect the story to be supported from the first part.
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