"Hive" The Forbidden Ranger

[hivehd]

The Forbidden

There are many stories of the Forbidden Wood... And its mysteries... And why it is Forbidden... but the story yet to be told is the one of how it has never been discovered... many roam the lands of Mirugan claiming to have seen its wonder but only those pure of soul without corruption now its path. The knights of the wood lurk in the shadows and are only seen as dark shapes scurrying the land. But if you happen to see one of these Knights... It shall be the last thing you ever see for they harness great power, knowledge and skill that are not taught in this realm, that allow them to take near full control of unsuspecting travellers and lure them away from the forest using their own mind against them and if you somehow slip past their grip... the trees will will consume your mnd with the forests deepest darkest secret.. but just speaking of it can be as deadly as its wrath... their is only one other than the knights and the men of the forest (known as 'forbiddens') who can enter, he is known as 'The Forbidden Ranger' but some claim to have seen him whispering to the forests as if they are alive... and some claim to have heard them whisper back, saying only one thing... his name.... 'Hive'

[hivehd]

[Rei.Blackwind]

hivehd,

There are a few minor issues.

I am not sure if you are claiming to be part of these knights you portray as being killer OP. It doesn't LOOK like you are, but:

Firstly, "they harness great power, knowledge and skill that are not taught in this realm, that allow them to take near full control of unsuspecting travellers and lure them away from the forest using their own mind against them". A little creative license is OK, but that's a bit much on the god modding side. If you want to lead in to it that it's a myth of the place you live, that's fine, but nobody that I know of has known of a myth like this. SO the myth route would only be applicable if it were known, and it's not really, at least in Mirugan. It could be from a place completely apart from Mirugan, like you came from totally different far away lands or something that had this place and this group of Knights you speak of. Then they could be part of your home land lore that really has nothing to do with Mirugan lore.

Also, it might be in your best interest to take a look at the history of Mirkwood. This is an actual place in Mirugan that might fit your character a bit. You can read up on it and see if you can fit in to it. You can also apply for that place to be your RP home to live in and hail from.

Secondly, we have some information vaguely about where you are from, but not much information about your character himself. I am sure you want to make it all crazy secret, but a little more about your actual character would be great. People won't be able to use it against you in any way in RP by reading it. There is a rule against Metagaming. (knowing things about anything that your character doesn't know ICly from reading things OOCly.)

I also suggest you try to come up with a last name. Right now we only have 2 people without last names. One, because they have amnesia and don't know it at this time, and two because well.. I am an android and don't have a last name. I have a version/model number.... (I may have missed some people, sorry if I did!)

See if you can elaborate a bit more on your character itself and correct a few minor (very minor) grammar errors and we'll take a look again. Use the modify button at the top right of your post to edit it.

[Aura.Blackwind]

Yeah, if you'd like to not have a last name, I suggest you take a peak at each of our bios (Aku and myself). It is very uncommon to not have last name though, so you would have to find an original reason as to why you do not have one. Other than that, I agree with everything Aku has said so far.