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Post by deltajesus on Apr 13, 2012 1:52:16 GMT -5
OMG RACIST!
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Post by minea on Apr 13, 2012 2:29:45 GMT -5
Not at all unless the white ninja's quest is too rid the world of diverse cultures. Or the white ninja is merely white because of the colour of his uniform? who knows, i would recomend studying this mre thoroughly before making potentially hurting comments Delta. I know i wouldnt like to be called rascist when i wasnt being rasicist.
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Post by Aura.Blackwind on Apr 13, 2012 6:59:09 GMT -5
Hmm. Check out some of the accepted character bios. It needs to be longer.
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Post by Rei.Blackwind on Apr 13, 2012 14:02:35 GMT -5
Um.... Ok.
1. Thread title is in improper format. It should be the name of your character, first and last. I believe you are missing a last name still.
2. There's a lot of run on sentences. They are kind of hard to follow. The punctuation is a bit messy with the way you have a bunch of "said to/thought to himself" type of comments. Most of those are actions not really words he would be saying or thinking to himself.
3. Add some more detail about your character. Honestly, this bio doesn't really explain anything at all about you. Just that some Great Destroyer ruined your life or something and now you wanna get rid of him and something happened with some random chick who is now in your dojo. (Again... all the run on sentences make it REALLY hard to follow the point you are trying to make.) Can you add more about your home land, who you are, what you did or how you became a ninja?
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