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Post by sharpskull2 on Apr 18, 2012 13:34:16 GMT -5
name: Vladimer.Menshoskov
Chapter 1: The Beginning Vladimer was a tall baby when he was born when he was 5 his mother told him he was a high elf of course at that time he did not know what that was but the only thing he did know was he was born in summerset isle he grew up in a small hut made of sticks with his Mother his Father and his brother they all liked it there.
Chapter 2:The Journey when Vladimer turned 9 his Mother and his father died so all he had left was hid brother they set out together to find a new home in a few weeks they found a portal of some sort and when they went through it they were in the capital of Mirugan Rull their mother told them about this place but they never thought they would find it.
Chapter 3: The Start Of A New Life
Vladimer and his brother settled down in an inn for a few weeks then Vladimer's brother got a job so he could get gold after a year of Vladimer's brother working he had just the gold he needed to buy a house for him and and Vladimer after another year Vladimer was 11 so he got a job as a apprentice he earned 5 gold every day so after a week ha had The right amount of gold to get some food.
Chapter 4:The End 5 years have past now and Vladimer and his bother went on separate paths Vladimer met a man named Shezz and Vladimer's brother met a women who fell in love with him then Vladimer's bother got married to her.
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Post by pajosftw on Apr 18, 2012 13:37:59 GMT -5
Not bad, nice, simple story. Needs a bit of work in making it flow, and needs to be spellchecked.
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Post by Aura.Blackwind on Apr 18, 2012 13:59:15 GMT -5
God damnit, stop making more threads! But, nice story.
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Post by deltajesus on Apr 18, 2012 14:04:00 GMT -5
Use
The
God
Damn
Modify
Button.
This is a huge improvement on your first bio but there's still some issues. Firstly it's still not in the correct format. Secondly if you're insisting on being from a place in the elder scrolls then find an interesting way for you to get to Mirugan instead of just walking through a portal. Finally, as pajos said, it needs to be spellchecked by a person since a spellchecker won't pick up some of the errors and it needs to flow a little better, try using some connectives.
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