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Post by sdid20000 on May 1, 2012 16:10:10 GMT -5
Zenio.Xenis ran away from home at the age of 10, as he ran through the forest, he spotted dark creatures among the trees. He stopped, studied them, and as they teleported away, he had absorbed some of their dark magic. Practicing his new dark powers in the forest, he decided to test his new skills on this humans of the land. Returning home, he kills his parents using his powers, and was then burned at the stake for murder. Even in death he had is powers, and he used the ancient art of reanimating the dead. He reanimated himself, and is now walking among the living today, waiting for another innocent bystander to murder...
I hope this is good!
-sdid20000
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Post by Orman Grandclaw on May 1, 2012 16:23:49 GMT -5
You should:
-Explain how you "absorbed some of their dark magic". I want to try doing that some time...
-Explain why you decided to murder your community. All things in existance happen due to a reason.
-Revome the part about recalling yourself from the dead, which is godmodding, or I might decide to test whether if those abilities are true.
-Either cut down on the extent of your character's mindless violence or explain how he was able to get away from a large selection of other powerful characters that would gladly hunt your character down and decorate his body with sword-bites.
-Give more information about the personality of your character. You will need more material to RP with than just a mindless killer.
Happy correcting.
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Post by deltajesus on May 1, 2012 16:34:40 GMT -5
I dunno about not just being a mindless killer, Aku seems to do pretty well with it and my character is hardly peaceful.
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Post by Aura.Blackwind on May 2, 2012 0:22:56 GMT -5
Give me a few days Jesus. I'm about to step up my game a bit...
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Post by minea on May 2, 2012 3:25:01 GMT -5
Man sometimes iys sucks being the good guys. If Hailmar has to die soon or something happends i am going to make my next rp char evil..... but small scale evil like maybe a type of raider who owns a small vessel and kills innocent fishing villages, nothing like ol' Lucavexx and hon evil.
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Post by Orman Grandclaw on May 2, 2012 3:34:24 GMT -5
Actually Aku kills for a reason. Anna died since Aku was mad at her for betrayal.
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Post by deltajesus on May 2, 2012 10:02:50 GMT -5
I've just realised that this is in the wrong section, can someone please move it to the submissions please?
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