Post by Spwack on May 17, 2012 7:41:13 GMT -5
Authors Note: This is a JOKE. If you take this seriously, I will feed your spleen to silverfish.
"Quickly Spwack, quickly!" Sybilline was hovering near the mouth of the cave, as Spwack hobbled as fast as he could towards the entrance. He was not as young as he was, and worry was all over Sybillines ghostly visage. The roving patrol of Guardians had surprised him, and had chased him from the scrublands into the neighboring desert. Magic had supplied him for a while, but all he had left was a glimmer of power. A lucky arrow thudded in behind his knee. Spwack started to hyperventilate as the tip of the arrowhead grated against his kneecap. As shock started to set in, he dived for the cave. Just before the Guardians could leap in, he sealed the opening with a handful of stone dust and the final dregs of his magic. The lead soldier attempted to mimic Spwack and dive in. If he wasn't wearing a helmet, his brains would be splattered on the sudden rock wall. As it was, it just made a bell-like sound that scattered the birds from some scraggly trees.
Inside the damp cave, Spwack saw black spots dance before his vision. Shock was setting in. Biting on an old bit of leather, he ripped arrow out of his leg. Darkness claimed him.
He awoke as Sybilline flashed colours through his closed eyes. The strobe lights penetrated his cloudy psyche, and he awoke. "Spwack! WAKE UP! If you loose much more blood you will have enough data to finish that other experiment..." Looking around, he could see she was right. Dried blood was pooled around him, and even flowed a little. Even as he watched, his failing heart pumped more onto the ground. Gritting his teeth, he wrapped some spare cloth round the wound. It was instantly stained red, but most of the bleeding stopped. Sitting back, he finished off most of his dried beef. Then, his raging hunger sated, he took stock of the situation...
The Guards:
1. Outside, with clean water not that far away
2. Numerical advantage of 7/1
3. Plenty of food
4. Fully armored and equipped
5. No magic
Spwack:
1. Stuck inside, with very little water
2. Wounded, possibly with a broken leg
3. Very little food
4. No armor
5. Little magic
6. Assorted supplies
It didn't look good. Eventually, the charm keeping the soldiers at bay would fail. Or they could just wait him out. Lack of food, lack of water, lack of magic. One of these would get him in the end. "I wonder... will this refuge be my tomb?" It wouldn't be a noble end. Looking around, it was a medium sized cave. A few stalactites dripped from the ceiling. The floor and walls had some iron, coal, and even a little redstone. Apart from that... not much help. Checking his satchel, he tipped his possessions onto the floor. Some redstone, a few random potions, a pickaxe, the broken tip of a diamond sword, some cloth, a workbench. The usual gear. "If I had three months, some specialist gear and and four working limbs I could bust right out of here" he muttered. "Of course you could," said Sybilline, "But I say, Spwack Cadmium, if you can't get out of here, no-one would. Even Micah Keyshin, and all of his men, couldn't get Victor out, not ever again." Looking up, Spwack could see she was right. He had the materials, and the necessary magical paraphernalia. He just had to find them.
Crawling towards the iron deposit, the wizard had to rest several times. Eventually he got to the ore, and chipped away at it. There was more than he realized. Heaps in fact. It took several journeys to pile it all up next to his makeshift camp. He heaped some stone together, and made a furnace. After getting some coal, he fired up the smelter. In the cave it was unbearably warm, but eventually he had a stack of ingots. "First order of business, is armor." After fusing the bars of metal into a chest-plate, he attempted to lift it, but gave up. With his broken leg, he wouldn't be able to stand at all, let alone encased in solid steel. "I've never needed strength, magic has always got me through..." But he was out of magic. Even charged to the brim it would be an effort. "Think, Cadmium think! I can't move the armor. But can the armor move itself. In a flash, he saw how it could be done. He dismantled the furnace, and removed some stone to make a flatter, smaller version. In the top he put the shard of diamond, soaked in potions. In the bottom he put the remainder of his coal. As he stoked the furnace, the diamond in the top grew brighter and brighter until brilliant white light filled the cave. Sybilline looked on, as Spwack worked, deep into the night.
Spwack worked non-stop, for the whole night and next day, only stopped to eat and drink once. The Guardians outside wondered at what the mage was doing in the cave. Once the hammering and sparking fell silent, they listened. Only the soft breeze, rustling the dead grass could be heard.
Within the cave, Spwack stared at his creation. It was ugly. It was crude. But it was machine of death and destruction. It looked like a normal suit of armor, with a fully enclosed visor and double the normal size. Weird bulges pushed the suit in awkward directions, especially in the chest area. Hobbling over, Spwack put the pieces of suit on one by one, still laying on the floor. Sybillines tablet, containing her essence had been slotted into the back of the helmet. All was darkness. "Run initialization" he murmured. Sybilline heard, and a few grains of redstone dust trickled into place. Within the chest-plate, the diamond furnace ignited, a white light pulsing from the armor. Clicks and thunks could be heard, as the metal suit, twice as heavy as normal, began to move. Then as they reached a frenzy of motion, they stopped.
Initialization complete. Awaiting orders
From deep within the helmet, Spwack blinked. He could see! The visor was tinted red with the magic powder it was imbued with, but everything was crystal clear. Casually trying to move, the suit moved with him, hisses and thunks echoing. With what should have been a herculean effort, Spwack Cadmium stood up. The metal suit almost brushed the ceiling, but the magic it was imbued with was so powerful it seemed light as a feather. Even his knee was no trouble. "Begin re-weaponization." The magical inferno in the chest-plate began to swirl. It was time to bust out of here.
Outside the cave, the Guardians looked on as the cave shuddered. Dust trickled from the entrance. Then, in one movement, the wall fell with a cloud of dust.
Hissssss... THUNK
From within the cloud of dust, the soldiers could here something moving. Something big.
Hissssss... THUNK
Several soldiers drew their swords. The archers pulled out arrows, and raised their bows to fire.
Hissssss... THUNK...Fssss
The cloud of dust cleared. Several drew breath. A metal behemoth stood before them, blood red eyes glowing as it surveyed the warriors. A bright light shone where it's heart was, and steam vented from pistons. An arm moved, a laborious movment. A small nozzle poked out.
Weaponisation complete
An inferno burst out, engulfing two of the soldiers. Neither had time to scream. "Archers, fire at will!" Shouted the captain. A volley of arrows shot across the clearing, all of them zinging off into the distance. Two large rods emerged from the shoulders of the automaton. Bolts of lightning boomed from the metal staves, striking down soldiers. Swordsmen rushed the monster, but massive steel arms swung round and clobbered them. They fell to the ground, several missing limbs. He advanced on the captain. The poor man was a soldier, but monsters of this caliber were once-in-a-lifetime occurrences. You only met them once. Metal gauntlets reached down, and lifted the man by an arm and a leg. After peering curiously at the captain, the steel automaton casually pulled him apart.
All was silent, save the wheezing of steam, and the drip of blood, oozing into the parched landscape.
Spwack sat down, the visor folding away. He stared at the carnage, while Sybilline babbled in his ear. He ignored her, and refolded the visor. The iron-clad mage stood with a wheezing of gears, then marched away.
The scavengers would feast well tonight.
"Quickly Spwack, quickly!" Sybilline was hovering near the mouth of the cave, as Spwack hobbled as fast as he could towards the entrance. He was not as young as he was, and worry was all over Sybillines ghostly visage. The roving patrol of Guardians had surprised him, and had chased him from the scrublands into the neighboring desert. Magic had supplied him for a while, but all he had left was a glimmer of power. A lucky arrow thudded in behind his knee. Spwack started to hyperventilate as the tip of the arrowhead grated against his kneecap. As shock started to set in, he dived for the cave. Just before the Guardians could leap in, he sealed the opening with a handful of stone dust and the final dregs of his magic. The lead soldier attempted to mimic Spwack and dive in. If he wasn't wearing a helmet, his brains would be splattered on the sudden rock wall. As it was, it just made a bell-like sound that scattered the birds from some scraggly trees.
Inside the damp cave, Spwack saw black spots dance before his vision. Shock was setting in. Biting on an old bit of leather, he ripped arrow out of his leg. Darkness claimed him.
He awoke as Sybilline flashed colours through his closed eyes. The strobe lights penetrated his cloudy psyche, and he awoke. "Spwack! WAKE UP! If you loose much more blood you will have enough data to finish that other experiment..." Looking around, he could see she was right. Dried blood was pooled around him, and even flowed a little. Even as he watched, his failing heart pumped more onto the ground. Gritting his teeth, he wrapped some spare cloth round the wound. It was instantly stained red, but most of the bleeding stopped. Sitting back, he finished off most of his dried beef. Then, his raging hunger sated, he took stock of the situation...
The Guards:
1. Outside, with clean water not that far away
2. Numerical advantage of 7/1
3. Plenty of food
4. Fully armored and equipped
5. No magic
Spwack:
1. Stuck inside, with very little water
2. Wounded, possibly with a broken leg
3. Very little food
4. No armor
5. Little magic
6. Assorted supplies
It didn't look good. Eventually, the charm keeping the soldiers at bay would fail. Or they could just wait him out. Lack of food, lack of water, lack of magic. One of these would get him in the end. "I wonder... will this refuge be my tomb?" It wouldn't be a noble end. Looking around, it was a medium sized cave. A few stalactites dripped from the ceiling. The floor and walls had some iron, coal, and even a little redstone. Apart from that... not much help. Checking his satchel, he tipped his possessions onto the floor. Some redstone, a few random potions, a pickaxe, the broken tip of a diamond sword, some cloth, a workbench. The usual gear. "If I had three months, some specialist gear and and four working limbs I could bust right out of here" he muttered. "Of course you could," said Sybilline, "But I say, Spwack Cadmium, if you can't get out of here, no-one would. Even Micah Keyshin, and all of his men, couldn't get Victor out, not ever again." Looking up, Spwack could see she was right. He had the materials, and the necessary magical paraphernalia. He just had to find them.
Crawling towards the iron deposit, the wizard had to rest several times. Eventually he got to the ore, and chipped away at it. There was more than he realized. Heaps in fact. It took several journeys to pile it all up next to his makeshift camp. He heaped some stone together, and made a furnace. After getting some coal, he fired up the smelter. In the cave it was unbearably warm, but eventually he had a stack of ingots. "First order of business, is armor." After fusing the bars of metal into a chest-plate, he attempted to lift it, but gave up. With his broken leg, he wouldn't be able to stand at all, let alone encased in solid steel. "I've never needed strength, magic has always got me through..." But he was out of magic. Even charged to the brim it would be an effort. "Think, Cadmium think! I can't move the armor. But can the armor move itself. In a flash, he saw how it could be done. He dismantled the furnace, and removed some stone to make a flatter, smaller version. In the top he put the shard of diamond, soaked in potions. In the bottom he put the remainder of his coal. As he stoked the furnace, the diamond in the top grew brighter and brighter until brilliant white light filled the cave. Sybilline looked on, as Spwack worked, deep into the night.
Spwack worked non-stop, for the whole night and next day, only stopped to eat and drink once. The Guardians outside wondered at what the mage was doing in the cave. Once the hammering and sparking fell silent, they listened. Only the soft breeze, rustling the dead grass could be heard.
Within the cave, Spwack stared at his creation. It was ugly. It was crude. But it was machine of death and destruction. It looked like a normal suit of armor, with a fully enclosed visor and double the normal size. Weird bulges pushed the suit in awkward directions, especially in the chest area. Hobbling over, Spwack put the pieces of suit on one by one, still laying on the floor. Sybillines tablet, containing her essence had been slotted into the back of the helmet. All was darkness. "Run initialization" he murmured. Sybilline heard, and a few grains of redstone dust trickled into place. Within the chest-plate, the diamond furnace ignited, a white light pulsing from the armor. Clicks and thunks could be heard, as the metal suit, twice as heavy as normal, began to move. Then as they reached a frenzy of motion, they stopped.
Initialization complete. Awaiting orders
From deep within the helmet, Spwack blinked. He could see! The visor was tinted red with the magic powder it was imbued with, but everything was crystal clear. Casually trying to move, the suit moved with him, hisses and thunks echoing. With what should have been a herculean effort, Spwack Cadmium stood up. The metal suit almost brushed the ceiling, but the magic it was imbued with was so powerful it seemed light as a feather. Even his knee was no trouble. "Begin re-weaponization." The magical inferno in the chest-plate began to swirl. It was time to bust out of here.
Outside the cave, the Guardians looked on as the cave shuddered. Dust trickled from the entrance. Then, in one movement, the wall fell with a cloud of dust.
Hissssss... THUNK
From within the cloud of dust, the soldiers could here something moving. Something big.
Hissssss... THUNK
Several soldiers drew their swords. The archers pulled out arrows, and raised their bows to fire.
Hissssss... THUNK...Fssss
The cloud of dust cleared. Several drew breath. A metal behemoth stood before them, blood red eyes glowing as it surveyed the warriors. A bright light shone where it's heart was, and steam vented from pistons. An arm moved, a laborious movment. A small nozzle poked out.
Weaponisation complete
An inferno burst out, engulfing two of the soldiers. Neither had time to scream. "Archers, fire at will!" Shouted the captain. A volley of arrows shot across the clearing, all of them zinging off into the distance. Two large rods emerged from the shoulders of the automaton. Bolts of lightning boomed from the metal staves, striking down soldiers. Swordsmen rushed the monster, but massive steel arms swung round and clobbered them. They fell to the ground, several missing limbs. He advanced on the captain. The poor man was a soldier, but monsters of this caliber were once-in-a-lifetime occurrences. You only met them once. Metal gauntlets reached down, and lifted the man by an arm and a leg. After peering curiously at the captain, the steel automaton casually pulled him apart.
All was silent, save the wheezing of steam, and the drip of blood, oozing into the parched landscape.
Spwack sat down, the visor folding away. He stared at the carnage, while Sybilline babbled in his ear. He ignored her, and refolded the visor. The iron-clad mage stood with a wheezing of gears, then marched away.
The scavengers would feast well tonight.
