Ragandar.Dansete Elven Thief

[james123524]

Born in no more than a shack in the forest I've always wanted to become famous. At the age of 6 my mother and I moved into the city
about a year after my father's death. Things started getting tough
when I was 16 because my mother had lost her job and we had almost no source of income. I had to give up my dreams and resort to stealing and robbing people blind. My mother died when I was 28 I now hate creepers forever. (Present day) Now I live in the forest and still steal from time to time although I have been looking to join a town lately. Well I'm still not giving of on my dreams maybe I will become famous a famous thief that is.

End of bio


In Game Username: james123524

[Rei.Blackwind]

You have a good outline good starters, but it could use some more details to flesh it out better. It is a bit short and rushed feeling otherwise. Add more details to your existing points and you will be good to go.

[fireblitz223]

Yes what aku is saying is right just chunk it up a bit and about the part "I now hate creepers" what made you hate them did they do something or effect you in you life explain your stories a bit more and you will eventually accepted good job mate.

[echoghost]

This was good but like they said earlier you need to add more details.

[mikeh]

(I'm going to be saying this alot more now, sorry zip...) Wheres da beef? needs some flavor to it, not just a quick story that you thought of in 3 mins or less. also, don't elves mature slower and are immortal? what killed your father, why did your mother die? etc etc... just helping out.