The story of Garret Hawke

[qui2gua]

At the age of 16 Garret's Family was attacked by creatures know as darkspawn. Garret was always inspired to be a champion sword fighter just like his father.Although Garret was a great skilled swordsmen in his older days.He encountered many creatures of great evil.But lets get back to the main story,Garret moved to a city known as Kirkwall the city of dwarves.Garret was a refugee and the city had no more room for them.So Garret had to find a way into the city.Garret had met up with a gang known as the Red Iron Fist.Garret got accepted into the gang and got his pass into the city.

[piwii999]

Ok so... First time? yes, yes i guessed. you have OK grammar the full stops have to have a space like this._<right there. look up the use of commas, <it is like half a full stop. but that was just the surface of the problem the story is like a rabbit it is small and jumps around a lot. its like being stuck in a time machine that is malfunctioning and the future is the past, the present is the future and they are all jumbled around until the end of eternity. (forgive me writing like this I have nothing better to do at this time) lets make this story like a fox. it is medium size but quite fast and nippy, it also eats that damn rabbits a** off. The main problem is that it doesn't go into very much detail, I recommend looking at "accepted bios" a folder under "Role Play".

I also recommend you read mine because they're the best *trollface* (Just Joking)

EDIT: I just realised my comment about your story being too short is longer than your story... go figure

[Aura.Blackwind]

You cannot copy a character from another game, such as Garret Hawke from Dragon Age 2. Please be original when writing your character. This will not be accepted until you change it.

[fireblitz223]

Add more info in your bio, and don't copy other names from anything.