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Post by hugatree on Oct 13, 2012 22:53:13 GMT -5
I was once human until i was kidnapped by those cursed enderman. The first time i woke up i was we were moveing and moving fast like we were riding somthing. Next time i woke up i was on a table like a doctors table then i blacked out. When i woke up the third time one of my eyes could see things diffrently like somthing happened to it. when i woke for the last time i was part enderman but i was still part human also. when the enderman came back in i was a wake and asked "what did you do to me " and they asked in ender toung which i could now understand "we made you a endrite human" i was shocked i dident know what to say. next time they came they said they are going to test my powers so they asked me to teleport so i tried and i did it. i also could meld with the shadows which shocked then they were so surpised they teleported away. when they came back they told me i was a shadow melder which meant i can hide well in the shadows so i decied to become a rogue. when they finally let me go i tried to go back to being a human exept i got attacked by the guards so i decided to work for the enderman and become the king of endrites. So i assassinate enemies for the enderman and do other task for them
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Post by Brindale on Oct 14, 2012 1:51:08 GMT -5
I was once human until i was kidnapped by those cursed enderman. The first time i woke up i was we were moveing and moving fast like we were riding somthing. Next time i woke up i was on a table like a doctors table then i blacked out. When i woke up the third time one of my eyes could see things diffrently like somthing happened to it. when i woke for the last time i was part enderman but i was still part human also. when the enderman came back in i was a wake and asked "what did you do to me " and they asked in ender toung which i could now understand "we made you a endrite human" i was shocked i dident know what to say. next time they came they said they are going to test my powers so they asked me to teleport so i tried and i did it. i also could meld with the shadows which shocked then they were so surpised they teleported away. when they came back they told me i was a shadow melder which meant i can hide well in the shadows so i decied to become a rogue. when they finally let me go i tried to go back to being a human exept i got attacked by the guards so i decided to work for the enderman and become the king of endrites. So i assassinate enemies for the enderman and do other task for them Grammar: Capitalize your I's, work on sentence organization, etc. RP: What in god's name is a shadow melder? You dont see Endermen going invisible. Thats a seperate heroes skill called "smoke." Shezza is the "king" of Endrites I think. I don't think he'll "bestow the blessings" on an "usurper." Stop stealing from other RPs. You can borrow, but don't outright steal, this whole "endrite surgery" is too much like "Madison.Scale's RP Bio" fixxit! Overall: Some RP mistakes, basic spellcheck would be nice. Also, needs to be longer |
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Post by Rowan.Pelanger on Oct 14, 2012 4:05:34 GMT -5
Please. Remove. The. Historical. References. Alexander the Great was an actual person, so can't use that name.
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Post by fireblitz223 on Oct 14, 2012 5:07:12 GMT -5
To me, this made no sense whats so ever. Fix it.
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